all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize