Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
