dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
