I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
