God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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