Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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