Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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