I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
