Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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