I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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