Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
