we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
