so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
