You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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