She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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