I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
