she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
