she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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