Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
