nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
