cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
