mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
