Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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