Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize