someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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