what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
