Your dad touched me again.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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