I wish I could punch you in the face.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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