Only a mothe r could love this liver
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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