First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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