just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize