I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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