I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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