Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
