I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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