lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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