uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
