This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
