her vagine was all disorganized.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
