im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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