My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
