You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
