broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
