Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We had sex on a dog bed..
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm always down for nudity.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
