i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
