Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
