Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize