yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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