I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize