How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize