This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
