Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
