Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
