ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
