All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
