Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
