somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
