Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
