walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
