I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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