I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
