U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She just used a chaser for red wine.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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