i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
