Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
