I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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