I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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