Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
