Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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