I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The uberlube is also flammable
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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