Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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