Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
