Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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