Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
