I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
