I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
