theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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