the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
