today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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