My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
