guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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