he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
