Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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