what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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