She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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