i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize