i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
