My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
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