i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
