Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
