My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
