He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
