And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
