please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
