I want to make a zoo with you.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
